Gin: Bleach Matchmaker (Crack Ships Are My Specialty!)
by Angelic Reprobate
Summary: Based on the list by Bleach Lists. 1 little story for each of the 10 pairings. So many pairings, so take a look, enjoy. Not all as crackish as you'd think.
1. Yumichika Ayasegawa Riruka Dokugamine

**Gin: Bleach Matchmaker ("Crack Ships Are My Specialty!")**

**So this is a series of short stories inspired by Bleach Lists Girl on tumblr. If you go to Bleach Lists and search the title of this story you'll find the list that inspired this. I have included each of her explanations anyway. Please don't kill me for using them. I can remove them if you want.  
The plot bunny just hit me when I read this list and seeing as I can't draw I figured I'd do this. Please enjoy**

**-I don't own Bleach**

**-I don't own Bleach Lists**

**Pairing: Yumichika Ayasegawa and Riruka Dokugamine**

* * *

**1. Yumichika**

"You honor the aesthetic above all. You believe that things that are ugly have no value. You should seek someone who shares those values. Plus you are in Squad 11 so you need someone combative."

**So I will pair you with…**Riruka! May the two of you despise ugliness together!

* * *

"I have no idea why I agreed to judge this contest. All the girls use far too much make up to look pretty. They certainly don't succeed."

"And none of them are even slightly cute. I mean, really, I wouldn't want that dress in a million years."

The two harshest judges of _Miss Karakura Town _were still trying to come to a consensus with the other three judges on just who deserved the title. Yumichika Ayasegawa and Riruka Dokugamine were both top fashion designers who had, very kindly in their opinions, agreed to judge the latest beauty contest. Unfortunately the two were top designers because of their demand for perfection. Which was not what they saw in any of the contestants.

"Number 15 was okay I guess," Riruka finally stated after staring at the papers for minutes.

"Number 15?" Yumichika asked, "That girl had the worst clothing I have ever seen. What was with the frills? And the pink? And that awful lisp?"

"At least she had theme. Who do you think was good then?" The pink haired girl was starting to get agitated.

"Number 6 would have had a natural beauty if she removed the make-up."

"Oh, of course," Riruka sneered, "and if she had a theme it would have been vomiting a rainbow onto clothing. Number 15 should win."

"Number 6," the black haired men stated, venom filling his voice.

"Number 15."

"Number 6."

"15!"

"6!"

The other judges cowered in their chairs as the two began to argue, it was highly tempting to run.

"15!"

"6!"

Number 12, a girl who had worn mostly blue, five layers of make-up and spoke about world peace and orphans won. Yumichika and Riruka, who had both been fired, at least agreed that she was the worst possible choice.


	2. Soi-Fon Tatsuki Arisawa

**-I don't own Bleach**

**-I don't own Bleach Lists**

**Pairing: Soi-Fon and Tatsuki Arisawa**

* * *

**2. Soi Fon**

"You place a great deal of value on strength, loyalty, and hard-work, and you need someone who feels the same. Plus someone who isn't overly emotional, I would think."

**So I will pair you with…**Tatsuki! May your sparring matches always lead to make-outs!

* * *

It wasn't the first time that Tatsuki Arisawa had wondered just what it was that Soi-Fon did when she washed her hair. It wasn't something she thought about often, though certainly often enough to have considered several possibilities. One: she left the white cloth that wrapped her hair and the rings that hung from it in. Two: she removed the rings so they didn't get wet. Three: she actually let her hair down.

Tatsuki ran her hands through her own short hair. She preferred it short so it didn't get in her way during fights. Aside from the two braids wrapped in cloth Soi-Fon had short hair too. The braids hadn't ever seemed to be a hindrance, Tatsuki had never managed to grab one at least. Not for lack of trying, much of the last sparring session had been full of Tatsuki's attempts.

It wasn't like her to wander to the showers of the dojo. It wasn't like her to stand by the door to the shower Soi-Fon was using. It certainly wasn't like her to actually consider peering inside to see what Soi-Fon's hair looked like.

Tatsuki's hand pressed on the door gently. It wasn't even locked, seriously, was Soi-Fon trying to make it easy for her? Should she do it? Tatsuki promised she'd look only at her sparring partner's hair. Peering through the gap she made she saw, two long strands of black hair and between those two narrow grey eyes. Shit.

"What are you doing Arisawa?"

"Oh, uhm… I just wanted to see if you were uhm… done…" she finished lamely.

Soi-Fon raised an eyebrow at her. She leaned forward suddenly staring into Tatsuki's eyes until she felt like her mind was being read.

"Sure you were." Her lips suddenly brushed Tatsuki's.

The kiss ended suddenly, the door swung shut and the lock clicked. Tatsuki stood still. Well, she guessed, Soi-Fon could always be removed from training partner status. Besides, now Tatsuki knew what she looked like with her hair down.


	3. Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez Ikkaku Madarame

**-I don't own Bleach**

**-I don't own Bleach Lists**

**Pairing: Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez and Ikkaku Madarame**

* * *

**3. Grimmjow**

"You're a guy who likes fighting and being strong, and who understands the importance of prey monogamy. Your ideal mate will share these ideas - and will be strong enough to give you a good tussle."

**So I will pair you with…**Ikkaku! May the two of you love each other as often and as hard as you fight!

* * *

"Why won't you shut the hell up? I hate that stupid dance of yours."

The bald man flipped down from his sword, a glare that would have slain weaker men was targeted towards his blue haired companion.

"Well sorry, Mr. Straight-to-the-point."

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez rolled his eyes. He failed to see the point in the idiotic dance his bald partner loved to perform. Grimmjow was exactly as Ikkaku had said, straight to the point; the point being beating his opponents face in.

"Well, let's go then," Grimmjow's psychotic grin spoke for itself.

He launched himself forward, Pantera was in his hand in a blink of an eye. Hōzukimaru was already in place to counter the vicious swing. The brute force behind the charge was enough to send Ikkaku skidding back several feet.

The two men ducked and weaved. Swords clashing only for seconds before they sprung apart. Cuts appeared at every visible moment. They might not have been trying to kill each other but it was apparent neither would mind _too_ much if the other fell.

"Should we stop them?" Ichigo Kurosaki asked from his vantage point on the Squad 11 roof.

"Oh Ichigo," Yumichika Ayasegawa replied with a smirk, "for those two fighting is like a committed relationship. If someone else gets involved they'll kill them."


	4. Hiyori Sarugaki Tesla Lindocruz

**-I don't own Bleach**

**-I don't own Bleach Lists**

**Pairing: Hiyori Sarugaki and Tesla Lindocruz**

* * *

**4. Hiyori**

"You are a violent and assertive person, who tends to show affection through, well, violence. You want someone who is okay with that. Plus someone with a serious attitude who won't get all floppy when you yell. A submissive who isn't a pushover, basically."

**So I will pair you with…**Tesla! May the two of you find the dom/sub relationship you've always dreamed of!

* * *

Tesla Lindocruz rocked slowly on the swing. He wasn't about to let tears fall from his eyes. Well, eye. Nnoitra had long ago removed his ability to use his right eye. He hadn't minded, Nnoitra hadn't had his left eye. It made sense that as his most loyal… friend… he wouldn't have an eye either. That was over now though. Nnoitra has disappeared, like a puff of smoke. Disappeared, and now Tesla couldn't follow him.

Hiyori Sarugaki was pissed, Shinji was dumbass. Stupid idiot should really stop chasing after every bloody girl he saw. And not calling all of them his 'first love' would be great too. It wasn't like anyone fell for it. She was currently walking to her favourite place in the park, her flip-flops sending dirt flying as easily as they sent Shinji slamming into a wall.

She was not in the mood to talk to anyone. Especially not some stupid blonde that she just noticed was sitting on her swing. Hiyori had loved swings since she was a kid even though she had been too small to push herself, and truthfully still had trouble. She just loved the power and the force behind swinging higher and higher. The stupid blonde was just swinging back and forward as if he was still moving only because of the force from sitting.

"Oi, baldy! Clear off!"

Tesla looked up at the source of the angry voice. Before him was a small girl in a red tracksuit with blonde hair in two bunches and a very angry expression on her face. Actually, she didn't appear to be a child, just a very short teenager. He narrowed his eye.

"There is another swing there," he said pointing to the next to him.

He was suddenly sent flying backwards and something struck his face. Swinging forward he stared at the blonde girl who was suddenly holding one of her sandals in her hand. Had she just hit him?

"That's my swing, baldy."

Tesla skidded to a stop, "Fine, take the damn swing," It wasn't worth being hit over again.

"What's your name?" He asked as the girl jumped onto the swing, the force giving her enough momentum to begin swinging.

"Hiyori. Not that I see why you need to know."

Hiyori almost reminded him of Nnoitra. They both seemed to be as angry as each other, they both seemed to be as angry as each other too.

"Baldy, I'm hungry," he looked at the angry blond, was she talking to him, "let's get some ramen. You're paying."

Tesla didn't know why he followed her, Hiyori didn't care that he did. Maybe, Tesla thought, Nnoitra wasn't the only person in the world to follow.


	5. Jushiro UkitakeTier Halibel

**-I don't own Bleach**

**-I don't own Bleach Lists**

**Pairing: Jushiro Ukitake and Tier Halibel**

* * *

**5. Ukitake**

"You are a kind man who cares deeply for your friends and subordinates. You are sickly, and could use a strong partner. But you also have the strength of character to understands that sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, even if that means letting a subordinate die."

**So I will pair you with…**Halibel! May the two of you sacrifice all else before you sacrifice your love!

* * *

He sat up sharply, his entire body shaking from the blood filled coughs. Little splatters of red flecked his hair already bleached from the disease. His body was far too frail to really handle the mutated strand of TB; he was holding onto his life by sheer will.

A mocha hand rubbed his back gently, she looked darker compared to him but he liked to believe that she was his lighter half. A cup of water and a towel were thrust before him, the gentle frown on her face belay her thoughts. She was far too young, he had always thought, to be caring for a sick man nearly fifteen years her senior but his Tier Halibel never complained. Sacrifice, she said, was necessary for love.

The cough subsided leaving him with the uncomfortable feeling that there was one more cough trapped deep in his throat. The water rinsed the tang of blood from his mouth as best it could. His Tier was like the water, she removed the signs of the sickness that she could but not even she could do everything.

The two lay back down; she looked at him with green eyes that matched his own. He often said that her eyes were like the sea, whilst his were like plants on the shoreline. Her cropped blonde hair mirrored the halo he knew she had hidden, she was the only woman to care for him so deeply. She closed her eyes, a single finger wrapped in his hair as if tying his life to hers.

Reluctantly he closed his own; the images of the black haired man who had been much more of a friend than a subordinate flooded his mind. Too many people died far too young, and there he was clinging to his own life like a thread, terrified to give up all that he had come to know.

The woman next to him had slipped into her gentle sleep, ever alert for the next spike of sickness. She was strong, she would move on after him of that he was sure. She was like the sea; strong, powerful and always continuing on.


	6. Uryu Ishida Lisa Yadomaru

**-I don't own Bleach**

**-I don't own Bleach Lists**

**Pairing: Uryu Ishida and Lisa Yadōmaru**

* * *

**6. Ishida**

"You are an intellectually curious person who values learning and exploration. You need someone smart who can perhaps push your boundaries a bit because come on, you need that."

**So I will pair you with…**Lisa! May you stimulate each other intellectually and physically!

* * *

"Oh come on, Uryu, it's really not that bad." Lisa Yadōmaru flipped an errant strand of hair from her face.

"Yadōmaru-san, I'm simply not interested in such material." Uryu Ishida pushed his glasses up his nose.

The material in question, fluttered as Lisa tried to shove the magazine towards her dark-haired boyfriend. Not that they'd done anything other than hold hands. She supposed it was good to have a relationship where she went slow for once, and Uryu could certainly challenge her intellectually… but the magazine wasn't even erotic for God's sake. It was a harmless swimsuit catalogue.

"You're being ridiculous," she stated.

Uryu stepped away quickly dodging her as she reached to grab him. It wasn't that he was a prude or anything like that, certainly not, it was just that… well, he wasn't entirely comfortable reading something that would prompt certain feelings. He wanted to treat Lisa like a lady, even though she was hell bent on not being one. Certain feelings would not help his endeavour.

"It's read this or kiss me." Lisa said, suddenly appearing before the boy.

"I'll take the magazine thanks." He replied, snatching it up.

"Wuss," she muttered.


	7. Isane Kotetsu Yasutora Chad Sado

**-I don't own Bleach**

**-I don't own Bleach Lists**

**Pairing: Isane Kotetsu and Yasutora 'Chad' Sado**

* * *

**7. Isane**

"You are fairly…neurotic, so you want someone solid and comforting, who won't turn out to be a secret violent psychopath or anything. Maybe someone who is a good listener, too."

**So I will pair you with…**Chad! May warm snuggles comfort you both!

* * *

"… and I'm sure that Unohana-taicho will be angry. I really didn't mean to be late for the appointment but my patient just wouldn't stop talking and I didn't know _how _to stop them and I was so late and Unohana-taicho values punctuality and…"

Isane Kotetsu burbled on about her conviction of her Captain's anger. In truth Captain Retsu Unohana very rarely showed any anger towards any of her subordinates, and she had never shown any anger towards Isane. Yet the young Lieutenant was convinced.

Her listening companion sat on the single armchair in Isane's living room. Most of it was taken up with medical guides and journals all thoroughly read and dog eared. The man was tall, dark skinned and silent. Words were hardly Yasutora Sado's forte though he admired the way that Isane made them sound. Even when she was talking nonsense as she was currently, he loved the way her soft voice formed each sound.

"… I mean we're always told to keep our patients happy but how can I keep two patients happy if their happiness is conflicting? Unohana-taicho can be really scary and I don't want to make her cross but now I'm sure I have. Oh, what if she demotes me. I couldn't bear it. The only lieutenant in the entire Gotei 13 to be demoted. How would Kiyone react? I simply couldn't, I…"

Her rambling suddenly ceased as warm, strong arms wrapped around her body. Chad's chin rested on Isane's head, he was the only she knew who could do that. His arms were comforting and safe, she'd be fine.

Maybe, she thought, she was overreacting a little. It was that or this was the last hug she'd ever get…


	8. Nanao Ise Shukuro Tsukishima

**-I don't own Bleach**

**-I don't own Bleach Lists**

**Pairing: Nanao Ise and Shukuro Tsukishima**

* * *

**8. Nanao**

"You are an intellectual. You are dedicated to your superiors and you put your all into your work. You also value reading very highly. So you want a guy who is smart, hard-working, and a great lover of books."

**So I will pair you with…**Tsukishima! May the two of you have a storybook romance!

* * *

Princess Nanao wanted very few things in life. A new hairclip wouldn't be amiss, a brand new novel would be great and if she had to have one, a husband who understood her love of books would be wonderful. Instead she had to spend her days, which could have been devoted to reading, meeting suitor after suitor who had heard of her unique beauty.

Princess Nanao was the only lady in the land who had violet in her eyes. Her hair was of the deepest black and her skin was pale from lack of sun. It only suited her that everyone believed a princess should be kept inside, now if only she was allowed to spend that time reading.

"My lady, you are truly a vision of perfection. I am…"

"Next."

The latest suitor, blond and blue eyed, stared in shock before shuffling from the room awkwardly. Nanao really couldn't stand men who thought of her beauty first. Couldn't they at least ask if she could sew or something? Sure it was a stupidly feminine task but at least it proved she had a skill.

"Nanao," her father, King Shunsui began, "that was the fifteenth suitor you've sent away today. The 43rd this month and 211th this year. These men don't grow on trees you know."

"Father, I just want a man who doesn't want me so he can have a pretty wife and pretty children."

King Kyoraku sighed, it was true that he wanted his daughter to be happy but surely if she knew the men better they'd grow to love her hard work and passion for books.

The next man to walk in was far different from any of the other suitors. Rather than armour and a sword he wore only a light pressed shirt and pants. Tucked beneath his arm, much to Nanao's surprise, was a book.

"I can't say I can see what all the fuss was about," the man brushed a strand of his dark hair from his eyes, "you're not nearly as pretty as some bar maids I've seen."

Nanao was outraged, how dare this man enter her father's throne room then insult her. She rose from her seat and strode across to the impudent suitor. Her hand was only centimetres from his face when he caught it, a smile lighting his features.

"Huh, you're quite strong, for a lady. I heard you like reading," Nanao's eyes flickered to the book, "I thought you might like this book. I certainly did."

He brought her hand to the book he held in other hand. It was heavy and leather bound.

"I'd love to discuss it with you, if you don't send me to the gallows."

"What is your name?" Nanao looked into his eyes, her own narrowed in suspicion though amazement paraded in her head.

"Tsukishima."


	9. Nelliel Tu Odelscwank Kirio Hikifune

**-I don't own Bleach**

**-I don't own Bleach Lists**

**Pairing: Nelliel Tu Odelswank and Kirio Hikifune**

* * *

**9. Neliel**

"You need someone who loves food as much as you, and who has a warm, loving, but care-free attitude to life. As a bonus, you should look for someone who doesn't freak out about sudden and dramatic changes in appearance."

**So I will pair you with…**Hikifune! May your relationship be filled with enough good food and good times to satisfy you both!

* * *

Two women sat in a small kitchen eating up the last remnants of their feast. Said feast would have fed a dozen people but the two had eaten almost every scrap by themselves. Meals as big as the one the women had shared were common in the Odelschwank-Hikifune household. The two women loved to eat.

Nelliel couldn't cook to save her life, so despite Kirio's gentle attempts of guidance, the green haired woman remained firmly away from the kitchen. Kirio was the exact opposite, she ran a small scale diner that would have provided more food than was profitable if not for the excellent reputation she had garnered.

The purple haired woman had started appearing on talk shows displaying her impressive skill. It had been almost unanimously decided that no one, not even a top chef, could out cook Kirio Hikifune. Of course the fame had brought scrutiny to her and her girlfriend. Both she and Nelliel had started to be criticised for their 'yo-yo' dieting.

"Do you think I eat too much?" Nelliel asked, her mouth full of the last forkful of noodles.

Hikifune tilted her head to side, her own mouth was finishing off the stir-fry. It was an odd question, and one that Nelliel had asked before. She had never seemed too bothered by her weight, ever.

"No. I like cooking. You know that. And I like seeing you eat my food. Besides, we do physical activities too."

Nelliel burst into laughter. Thankfully she hadn't had food in her mouth.

"Nel," Kirio blushed, "I didn't mean that… I meant like how we go dancing together. Or how we go on adventure holidays."

"I guess you're right. Hey, let's go to a playground now!"

Kirio smiled after her girlfriend as she darted from the room. She supposed the dishes could be done later, after all, she had some activities to do.


	10. The Soul King Coyote Starrk

**-I don't own Bleach**

**-I don't own Bleach Lists**

**Pairing: The Soul King and Coyote Starrk**

* * *

**10. The Soul King**

"You…float creepily in the air. You hibernate for long periods of time. You probably want your authority to be respected. You're super strong, but you don't seem to fight."

**So I will pair you with…**Starrk! May the two of you spoon together in sleepy harmony!

* * *

The Soul King blinked his unique eyes at the thing that had just landed atop him. It wasn't really a thing but considering he only woke every thousand years or so, it was completely alien to him.

The thing was human shaped with messy brown hair to its shoulders. Its eyes were closed it sported a little goatee. The oddest thing was the jaw hanging around its neck. The Soul King touched it, felt like a hollow mask. Except this... human was not a hollow.

The human-hollow thing snored loudly, at least it was alive. What a hassle it would have been if it was dead. Then someone would have had to come in to his room. The Soul King craned his neck, surely if the human was a hollow it would have a hollow hole, exactly like the hole beneath the human-hollow's mask fragment thing. Honestly, asleep a thousand years and the entire world goes crazy. Maybe this was the next evolution of souls?

Jabbing the face of the hollow-human thing he noticed how soft the skin was. The thing gave another snore but didn't wake. The Soul King jabbed harder.

"What?" The thing mumbled, "Go away, Lilinette, sleeping."

"Who are you?" The Soul Kings voice was rough from disuse.

The thing opened its eyes revealing grey-blue orbs that fixed on the man who had awoken him.

"Coyote Starrk."

"What are you, Coyote Starrk?"

"Primera Espada of Aizen's Army of Arrancar."

The Soul King blinked in confusion. What was a Primera Espada, who was Aizen and what was an arrancar?

The thing, Coyote Starrk, as it had called itself saw the confusion evident on the taut feature of the King.

"I mean that I am the strongest of the army that Sosuke Aizen, a Shinigami, created from hollows who removed their masks making them Arrancar. Also, I think I'm dead."

The Soul King looked on at the man, he was definitely something new. Hollows having their masked removed, well that was new, and interesting… and probably dangerous. An army of hollows led by a shinigami seemed pretty implausible too, and again… probably dangerous.

Still, the Arrancar seemed liable to fall asleep again in a heartbeat. Hardly threatening and if the army was being led by a shinigami then obviously the Soul King had nothing to fear. It made enough sense to him that he lay back down. He really wanted just a couple months more sleep.

"Well then Coyote Starrk, you can return to your slumber and I will to mine. Goodnight."

Starrk looked at odd creature who had spoken to him, one eyebrow raised. It was certainly an interesting turn of events for him to be here but sleep was on offer and the bed seemed pretty comfortable, he was not going to turn that down.

* * *

**The last one! Please review, feel free to correct my mistakes. And please I implore you to check out Bleach Lists. It's amazing!**


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